


Epic Rap Battle of Villainous

by StarryEyedWitch333



Category: Villainous (Cartoon)
Genre: Dem's a little beeeeeeeee, Flug deserves a bath after all the shit he's been put through, M/M, Utter trash, because I suck at rap, but ehhhhh, but okay i actually had a lot of fun writing this, five thousand five hundred words of trash, for my bae infiniteslug, god my babies, guess who likes the bee movie?, he can't believe a human being could come up with such garbage, it's only cuz he finds it to be so horrible, of trash, speaking of bees, there's really only two rap verses, thirteen pages, trash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-26
Updated: 2017-09-26
Packaged: 2019-01-05 19:33:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12196245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarryEyedWitch333/pseuds/StarryEyedWitch333
Summary: Party Hat has decided to take one of Broke Hat's fri... er, acquaintances hostage, and Flug and Broke Hat now must travel to the very depths of Hell in order to get her back: His manor.





	Epic Rap Battle of Villainous

**Author's Note:**

> Shitpost of epic proportions brought to you by infiniteslug on tumblr. Go like their shit, and yell at them for creating such amazing characters.

Broke Hat was quite upset at what Demencia had made him do.

 

Of course, he wasn’t surprised by the fact that Demencia had run away in the middle of the night to go and join one of…  _ ugh _ , Party Hat’s raves. She was exactly the kind of demographic that they would invite: a young, attractive woman just looking for some fun. Ew, even the thought of those words disgusted him, and a dark grimace fell over his face. He would’ve loved to end the party with a little  _ surprise _ , but this stupid inhibitor that Flug insisted he wear at all times kept him from fulfilling his dreams of stopping the parties once and for all. And besides, Flug would most likely frown upon it, anyway. Stupid mortal, and his stupid morality and ethics.

 

“One person. At least,” he had asked, even though he shouldn’t have been pleading with someone as insignificant as… Well, not insignificant anymore, he supposed. It was right in the name, significant other. However, he was still the superior, still the dominant,  _ still Black Hat! _

 

“No. I already told you once, and I won’t tell you again. You cannot murder  _ anyone _ tonight,” Flug had said, grabbing a windbreaker that he had bought from the local Goodwill with some of the extra tips he had received. It was even in the style of a bomber jacket, which to be honest, Flug thought was amazing. Anything having to do with airplanes and flight was always a plus side, and it even had little patches on it. Demencia had made fun of him for loving it so much, but he couldn’t care less. It was a small comfort in this unforgiving world, and he wasn’t going to give it up just because some people didn’t appreciate it as much as he did. However, what he could care less about, though shouldn’t, was still staring at him with a grimace, Broke Hat’s version of puppy dog eyes. Flug sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose in annoyance. “Look, we have to keep a low profile,” he continued, grabbing an extra paper bag and some goggles to conceal his identity from the rest of the world.   
  
Broke Hat scoffed at that, crossing his arms and cocking an eyebrow, jutting out a hip. “And you’re going to keep a low profile with a paper bag on your head and goggles? Ha, don’t make me laugh.” he said, pulling off a rather sassy pose for an eldritch abomination that took over the world twice and only gave it back  _ because he was bored _ .

 

Flug opened his mouth to argue, before hesitating. He was a scientist. He had not one, not two, but  _ four _ Ph.D.s, and he couldn’t even come up with a clever retort to his monster boyfriend? Unacceptable. He shut his mouth, though, and just motioned for him to follow. Broke Hat growled at that, narrowing his eyes as he reluctantly followed his boyfriend out of the apartment. “Why do I have to come, anyway,” he asked, annoyance clear in his voice. “Why can’t I just stay at home? We did get that lovely gift of Dreamworks movies, and I would hate to see them go to waste.”

 

Flug had to take a deep breath to not lose his mind at that. He had worked an eight hour shift that day, only getting one, count that ONE fifteen minute break, spending the rest of that time on his feet getting harassed by upset customers, only to find that Broke Hat had just  _ allowed _ Demencia to run off and join what may well be a circus because he was too busy watching the fucking Bee Movie?! Not even with little notice, she explicitly said she was going “out,” whilst forcing a huge sum of cash into her purse, and Broke had just let her leave?!

 

“It was engrossing, and disgusting and pitiful, and whoever this Seinfeld human is should be ashamed,” he had said when explaining what had happened before Flug had gotten home, holding up the box the movie came in, before a slow realization washed over his face. “Bee… Movie… Oh my Satan it’s because they’re bees, isn’t it?”

 

Flug face palmed.

 

It wasn’t even a full copy, it was a bootleg someone had recorded while they were in the theaters! Why someone in their right mind would still have a bootleg copy of The Bee Movie ten years later was a mystery to him, and one that he was not willing to solve. Ever. He wondered if the rest of the movies they had received were also bootlegs, but he wasn’t willing to figure that out, either. They had a mission to accomplish, and whether they wanted to or not, it was getting done.

 

“Because you lost her, and she’s your friend,” Flug said, opening the door to let the other out. Broke Hat followed, grumbling something under his breath.   
  
“Friend is a strong term,” he muttered like the petulant child he was, stomping out of the apartment in a huff before kicking at a can that lay in the middle of the hallway. Luckily, nobody seemed to notice the noise, even though it was twelve in the morning, but if Broke kept this behavior up, they’d definitely get an eviction notice sooner, rather than later. “And I did not  _ lose _ her. I simply misplaced her,” he continued, waving his hand dismissively as if he hadn’t lost a human being with fucking lizard powers.

 

Luckily, since they lived in the middle of a bustling city, it wasn’t too hard to find transportation at this time of night. However, that did not stop Broke Hat from grumbling the entire way to the bus stop about how he had bigger fish to fry, more irons in the fire, and just really,  _ really _ didn’t want to go to Party Hat’s house. “Well, I don’t want to go either, but look where we are. We’ve lost our only other means of income, plus my entire tip jar, and if I have to take a day off or something, it’s not going to be good for any of us. Maybe if someone hadn’t been so  _ busy _ , we wouldn’t be in this situation.”

 

That shut Broke up.

 

The rest of the trip was made in relative silence. Flug was just sitting there, hands in his pocket with his head down and trying not to fume, but failing miserably, while Broke Hat just looked out the window, wondering how something so awful, so  _ heinous _ , could be made by a human being. He would need to find more information on this crime against the universe when he got home, but for now, his analysis of the film would have to do.

 

“Flug.”

 

“What is it?”

 

“Have you… Have you ever seen the movie? The movie I showed you?”

 

Flug let out a sigh, putting an arm over his face as he leaned back even further. He did not need this in his life right now. “Yes, Broke. I’ve seen the Bee Movie starring Jerry Seinfeld, made in 2007. Why do you ask?” He glanced at Broke Hat.

 

“Why? Why is it so awful,” the other, his other, asked, narrowed eye laced with confusion. “How could humans think it was such a good idea to make a bee and a human fall in love? Isn’t that bestiality?”

 

“Beestiality,” Flug muttered under his breath, crossing his arms as he tried to avoid the conversation, before realizing what he had said.

 

Broke Hat seemed to have caught the pun before Flug could take it back, and stared at him as if he had just said, or even thought, of a verse from the Holy Bible. “What did you just say,” Broke Hat asked, eye as wide as a saucer. “Can you repeat that?”

 

“It was nothing, and this conversation is over.”

 

“Flug-”   
  
“OVER!”

 

They sat in a bit more silence after that, until the sound of blaring music could be heard, and the two men groaned, slumping back in their seats. Electronic dance music? And, for Broke Hat anyway, the smell of sweat and glow sticks? It could only mean one thing: Their stop was coming soon. And sure enough, on the sidewalk, over the top of the hill, lights could be seen flashing into the sky, as the music got louder and louder, coming to a crescendo when they finally reached the top.

 

There sat the weirdest looking house Flug had ever seen, and that was really saying something, considering his previous workplace had been a giant top hat with six floors, over sixty different rooms that shifted from location to location at random intervals, and an airplane crashed into the side of it. Sure, that last part  _ may _ have been his fault, but it was still strange that nobody thought to clean it up. Broke Hat was usually a stickler for making sure everything was perfect, especially anything that was associated with him, so it was a wonder that it was still there, even to this day.

 

That didn’t matter right now, though. What mattered was getting Flug’s entire tip jar back, even if it meant travelling to the pits of Hell itself to do so.

* * *

  
The first thing Flug noticed was that Jesus Christ, the music was  _ loud _ . And not just loud like a rock concert, loud to the point that it was near  _ deafening _ . And they were only outside! How anyone could survive being in there twenty four seven was a mystery to the both of them. This was probably why that DJ Glug guy only spoke in sign language most of the time. Flug wondered if they had ever actually heard him say anything, but couldn’t think of a time where that had actually happened. 

 

“ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME,” Broke Hat shouted over the music, Flug shaking his head to rid himself of the thoughts. Broke Hat took this as a no.

 

“Goddammit, Flug! How are we going to get back our idiot if you won’t even pay attention?! I will repeat myself one more time, and only one, so you better be paying attention or else!” Flug knew he didn’t mean the insult, or the threat, but still nodded and went along with it. It was Broke Hat’s only way of showing much emotion around other people, his only solace in life, and Flug wasn’t going to try to take it away from him. It would be like taking a security blanket from a baby. A large, demonic, aggressive baby.

 

“We go in, right? I start going after people, while you… You do whatever. I couldn’t care less, really.” Broke Hat made a dismissive hand motion.

 

“We’re not doing that,” Flug said, head in his hands as the music pierced his eardrums. He really wished he had salvaged the noise cancelling headphones he had kept in the lab during long days where Demencia would do nothing but play her guitar, and Black Hat was nowhere to be seen. Those days were long gone, sure, but the thought of having those cushiony pillows for your ears was one that he didn’t want to pass up. Back to the topic at hand, though. He thought for a second, placing a hand on his chin, before coming up with an idea that just might work. “How about we both sneak in, find Demencia, and sneak back out before anyone can notice us.”

 

Broke Hat pondered the plan for a few seconds, rubbing his temples before letting out a reluctant sigh. “Fine. But I’m not following this plan because I want to. Only because it seems smart enough,” he said with a grimace, crossing his arms and pouting. Flug rolled his eyes with a soft smile, before wrapping an arm around him and pulling him close.

 

“I know you’re worried about Demencia.”

 

“I’m not.”

 

“And I know how much you want her back.”

 

“I really don’t.”

 

“But we’re going to get her, and it won’t be that much of a hassle,” Flug finished, giving Broke Hat a quick peck on the cheek. This caused Broke to stand up and stomp towards the upside down top hat that acted as the main base of operations for Party Hat.

 

The thing that hit them hardest when they entered the building, for Flug, was the sound. He couldn’t even hear his own thoughts in here, let alone anything that the other man was saying. Luckily for him, Broke Hat wasn’t actually speaking. He was much too focused on the smell of the place: it  _ reeked _ of half drunk glow sticks, sugar, vodka, and sweat, and the combination of the smells just made him want to puke up all of his internal organs, necessary or otherwise.

 

He forced himself to refrain, though. Knowing Party Hat, if he caught even the slightest whiff of either of them, it would not be good for anybody. Especially not Broke. He didn’t want to deal with that child he was forced to call his brother. He just needed to get Demencia, make sure all of the money was accounted for, and skedaddle befor-

 

A raised hand signalled for the music to cease, and the duo froze, all eyes on the both of them as a spotlight shone down on them, before a voice, effeminate and rather sassy sounding, rang through the crowd. “Why, what a pleasant, but unexpected surprise~!”

 

Dammit!

 

Broke Hat let a growl escape his lips, while Flug just stood stock still, arms firmly at his side and hands balled into fists. They just needed to grab Demencia, and get out. Maybe it would be easy! All they had to do was ask for Demencia back, and then they left, and never came back. Of course, Demencia would be grounded as soon as they got back, but he wasn’t going to let her go out after all the shit she was putting them through.

 

A dark gray skinned being slowly floated down from the ceiling, laying on his stomach upon a red silk padded bed held up by nothing, propelled by  _ nothing _ , purple suit glowing under the blacklight of the house along with the neon green ribbon that decorated his hat. Seriously, did they have any other sort of lighting? And besides, Flug had a strong feeling that being surrounded by blacklight all the time was probably bad for you in so many ways, but he wasn’t thinking about that right now. Science and the like could wait. Right now, what they needed was diplomacy, and to keep Broke Hat from trying to murder everyone in a fifty foot radius.

 

The demon known as Party Hat soon flipped onto his back, so he could jump off the bed and float gracefully to the ground at the other end of the room, surprisingly stable for someone who was wearing platform heels, before taking the microphone from the hands of DJ Glug with a flourish. “I see we have two VIB’s tonight! Can we all give them a round of applause?”

  
“VIB’s,” Flug asked before he could stop himself, immediately regretting his decision when a bunch of giant screens descended from the ceiling, displaying white impact font on a background of pictures of their faces, some horribly photoshopped so they were in the same room and smiling at the same time, and each word separated by an explosion or some other stupid special effect.    
  
**_VERY IMPORTANT BITCHES_ **

 

That addition of the screens was met with applause and whooping from all of the visitors in attendance, much to the chagrin of Broke Hat and company, Flug looking in horrified embarrassment at said screens while Broke Hat just glared at his cousin, who was of course cackling whilst he float on his back. “Look, you have my idiot, and I would very much appreciate if you would give her back,” Broke Hat snarled, before Flug could stop him. However, Flug did manage to calm him slightly by taking his hand into his own, the effect being mutual for both parties.

 

“What he means to say,” Flug said, voice cracking before he cleared his throat. At least someone was trying to keep some form of peace between the two cousins, Broke Hat glaring at Party Hat, while Party Hat and DJ Glug just looked amused. “What we mean, is that we believe that one of our friends-”

 

“I believe the term is acquaintance, Flug,” Broke rasped, but squeezed the other’s hand.

 

Flug sighed, deciding to relent on this one occasion. “Our acquaintance may have run off to be here, and we really need to get her back. She has something that belongs to me… us. Belongs to us.”

 

“Oh,” Party Hat questioned, seeming to ponder over the question a little bit before realization dawned on him. “Oh! I think you mean my _ daughter _ !” He tittered at that, watching with a strange gleeful look as the jaws of the others fell almost to the ground.

 

Broke Hat composed himself first. “No, we mean our  _ idiot _ , and if you would kindly show us where she is, we will be on our way,” he corrected, about to begin walking when all of a sudden, Party Hat appeared in front of him, causing Broke to bump into his chest. Silence, and then, “You know you’re only taller with those ridiculous heels on, right?”

 

“And you’re only taller with that ridiculous top hat, bae-est cousin! Now come on! Unwind. Chill a little! Have some fun,” he said, much like an announcer would. Everyone cheered once more, Broke Hat growling at the nickname until Flug held up a hand to silence the crowd of onlookers. It seemed that people were getting annoyed at this point, that these two people had come in, uninvited (though wasn’t that how most people came to be in this pit of damnation?), and caused the music to stop. Plus, they were just plain rude!

 

“Look, we just need our fri-” Broke Hat’s glare stopped him from completing that word, and he instead went for something a bit more… relaxed. “Our  _ acquaintance _ , Demencia. Do you happen to know where she is?”

 

“Demencia? Hmm… Demencia, Demencia, Demencia,” Party Hat said, tapping his chin in feigned confusion before he ‘recognized’ the name. “Oh yeah! So you do mean my daughter!”

 

“D-DAUGHTER,” Flug shouted, yanking his hand from Broke’s to place both on either side of his head.

 

“Yup! Gluggy and I, well, we have been wanting to become parents for a while,” he said as if he  _ hadn’t _ effectively kidnapped a young girl with fucking lizard superpowers. Glug gave a happy beep at that from behind his mask, his mouth (?) curved into an ever present grin. “And, gee, We couldn’t resist! She just looks so happy! Look at her go,” he continued, another floating spotlight focusing on a girl with a dark pink mohawk, a green lizard hood, dancing before she spotted them, and waved. 

 

“Demencia,” Flug called out, ready to go grab her and just run out of the house. That was, until that security guard, Vaccinia or something, moved to stop him from going after her. “Hey! Get out of my way!”

 

“Sorry, but this area is reserved for friends of the family  _ only _ ,” she said, holding a hand to block his way.

 

“Come  _ on _ ,” Party Hat tutted, steepling his fingers together, a smile spreading across his face that traveled to his eyes, even behind those ridiculous glasses. “Demencia isn’t just a friend of the family, she’s a part of it now! You really ought to learn the difference.”

 

“Sorry sir,” she said, a frown on her face before she began pushing the much weaker man back towards the center, much to his anger.

 

“Aww, just look at her, Glug,” Party Hat mused, floating over to Glug’s also floating DJ booth and putting an arm around him. “Isn’t she so beautiful? Our little bud is blooming into a wonderful poppy flower!”

 

“You…” Flug pinched the bridge of his nose. “It’s only been four hours.”

 

“But Flug, but doesn’t it feel like so much longer,” he retorted, Glug giving a content ‘bewoop’ noise from right behind him.

 

“No, it doesn’t. It’s only been four  _ hours _ .”

 

“Well, you’re no fun,” Party Hat grumbled, crossing his arms and glaring from behind some very…  _ unique _ glasses. That seemed to be agreed upon by the rest of the party goers, who were starting to get a bit antsy: these random nobodies decide that they just want to come in and stop the whole party? For what? Just some 

 

“Boo,” shouted Demencia, followed by more and more people who joined in on calling out the two mystery men, some even going so far as to throw red solo cups at them, along with tissues and glow sticks. 

 

“C-come on! She stole my tip jar,” Flug shouted, and stomped his foot. Now he was fuming. He had to get up at seven in the morning tomorrow to work another eight hour shift, and he was  _ not _ in the mood for this stuff right now. He just needed to get Demencia and go, and this asshole was making it so much harder than it neede to be! “Look, just give her back!”

 

“Not unless you give me something in return~”

 

“What do you even want?! You’re a rich asshole that already has more than what you need,” Broke Hat snarled, pushing Flug behind him in order to keep him from losing it. Flug could get a little nervous in situations like this. Surrounded by people, bright lights, loud sounds… Sensory overload, he had heard Flug refer to it as, after some sort of human meltdown. They needed to leave soon. However, if they got kicked out now, then they lost, and Broke Hat may have been down on his luck, but one thing he would never be was a loser.

 

“Oh, I dunno,” Party Hat mused, lolling lazily through the air and checking his nails as if they had just been manicured. Knowing him, they probably had. “Why don’t we ask…”

 

The screens from before began flashing different words, still in impact font but this time with a poorly made stock photo of a party popper, still with the white background and watermark whilst it flipped back and forth, as the crowd began cheering once more in excitement, chanting the next few words slowly. “The Party!”

  
“Popper!”

  
  
“Prophet!”

 

Airhorns provided by DJ Glug were blared through the loud speakers, causing Flug to jump out of his skin, much to the enjoyment of everyone. Party Hat didn’t seem to notice, as he was too busy having fun. “Oh my gosh, you all know me so well,” Party Hat squealed, clapping his hands twice before pulling out a normal looking party popper, if not a bit cheap. “You know how all this works, but just for those who may be new! The object of the game is that we have to do whatever the PPP says! If someone refuses, it’s an automatic forfeit! Winner takes all!”

 

Before Flug and Broke Hat could talk it over, Broke Hat decided that enough was enough, stepping forward and holding out his hand. “We accept,” he said, hand starting to glow a dark red.   
  
“WHAT,” Flug shouted, watching as Party Hat took the other’s hand with little hesitation, his own hand glowing a deep purple. They should’ve at least talked it out! Maybe made a plan, but no! Of course not! Because he didn’t matter, because  _ nothing _ mattered to either of the two demons!

 

“Flug, I’ve got this,” Broke Hat said, trying to calm the other down. “It’ll be fine. Have I ever steered you wrong?”   
  
“Yes!”

 

“Oh… Well, this time will be different,” Broke said, turning back to his cousin. “If I win, I get Demencia.”

 

“And if I win, I get… Hmm. You don’t really have much, do you,” Party Hat asked rhetorically, thinking for a few seconds and scouring his mind. “What is your favorite thing that you own right now?”

 

“Definitely not you,” Broke retorted, sticking his tongue out.

 

“Ouch. Harsh,” Party Hat muttered, putting a hand to where his heart would be, if he were human. “I get to keep Demencia, of course, but how about Mr Paper Bag over there,” he asked, pointing at Flug.

  
Flug froze, eyes wide in alarm and fists clenched at his side. Oh God, he couldn’t survive this night any longer.

  
Broke Hat seemed to sense the feelings that the other had, glaring at Party Hat and taking Flug’s hand. “He is not for sale. End of discussion.”

 

“Oh, pff. Fine,” he grumbled, pouting. “Not like I needed him, anyway. I’ve got a Glug with a nice hole, anyway!”

 

Glug winked at Flug, then flicked his tongue at Broke Hat. Flug grimaced, as did his other, before he stepped forward and did something really,  _ really _ stupid. “I’ll do it!”

 

Broke looked at Flug with wide eyes, immediately signalling for him to shut the fuck up. Party Hat just smirked at him, though, eyebrow raised. “Oh? You’ll  _ what? _ ”

 

Flug had fucked up, oh God, he’d  _ fucked up _ . But he couldn’t back out now. “I’ll stay here.”   
  
Broke Hat face palmed. What an idiot. An adorable, lovable  _ idiot. _ There was nothing he could do now. Party Hat looked more than amused at this turn of event, holding his head in his hands. “Ooh, looks like we’ve got a volunteer! I hope you enjoy parties, Fluggy boy~” Party winked at Flug, who held his arm in his hand. Glug just wiggled his eyebrows at Flug, who was feeling more and more uncomfortable at the moment. What had he done?

 

“Just pop the PPP already,  _ nerds _ ,” Demencia shouted from her VVIB area, earning shouts of agreement from the crowd. Did they really have nothing better to do with their time? He supposed not, as Party Hat silenced the crowd once more.

 

“Fine, fine. So impatient,” Party Hat muttered, waving his hand. “I’ll do it, but only because I love you all! Ready? One… Two… THREE!”

 

The Party Popper Prophet was popped, the noise a bit louder than Flug would’ve liked. If Broke Hat lost this, he was so fucking screwed. God, how was he going to live here? How did this even work?! He could barely live in an apartment with two other people and a bear, how was he going to live in a mansion that was partying twenty four seven?

 

“The PPP says…” The confetti from the popper spelled something out in the air. “Epic Rap Battle!”

 

Oh God, they were so screwed.

 

“Ooh hoo hoo,” Party Hat chuckled, floating there with a smirk. “Looks like I’m the champion of default! Unless you still wanna go through with this? I won’t complain, but you can’t whine once I beat you!”

 

“Oooooooh!”

 

“Y-yeah, well… You’ve obviously never seen Broke Hat rap before,” Flug retorted, causing an uproar, before turning to Broke. “You have rapped before, right?”

 

“Pfft, of course I have…”

 

Flug glared.

 

“Ugh. Do you really want to live here,” Broke asked, crossing his arms.

 

“What? No!”

 

“That’s what I fucking thought. Do you know how to beatbox?”

 

Flug winced. “What the…? I don’t!”

 

“What the fuck, why not?!”

 

“Because I never thought I’d need it in order to save my own hide!”

 

“Alright, alright, I get it, this was a stupid plan and I blame you.”

 

“Blame m-”

 

“FLUG THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO BE POINTING FINGERS,” Broke yelled, stomping his foot, before pondering their options.  “Now, we need a plan… Go sabotage him.”

 

“I… Actually, that’s not that bad of a plan…”

 

“I know right? It’s almost like you’re not the only genius in the household, Mr I Have Four Ph.Ds and Got Into University on a Scholarship. Now go, find a weak point.”

 

Flug rushed off, Broke turning back to Party, who raised a brow in confusion. “Please don’t tell me you’re trying to cheat, Brooke.”

 

“It’s Broke. And even then, nobody’s allowed to call me that. Especially not the likes of  _ you _ ,” he retorted, throwing his hoodie to the side and cracking his knuckles. “Let’s just get this over with, so I can return home and finish that unholy abomination of a feature length film.”

 

That seemed to perk Party Hat’s interest somewhat. “Oh? Which film?”

 

“The one with that Seinfeld human as a bee. How anyone could actually consider that a good idea is beyond me,” Broke grumbled, crossing his arms as he stood there.

 

“Oh, I know which one you’re talking about! Yeah, that was really bad, even for my tastes.”   
  
“JUST GET ON WITH IT ALREADY,” Demencia shouted from her booth, Broke Hat glaring at her.

 

“You’re  _ not _ helping!”

 

“I dare to disagree, Bro-key. She has been keeping this party going for a long while! Can’t wait to see what she can do over a long period of time.” He winked at her, blowing her a kiss which she caught and put to her cheek. “That’s my girl!”

 

Glug stepped down from the floating DJ booth with help from Party Hat, microphone in hand as he cracked his neck and cleared his throat. “Glug will beat box for the both of us, since apparently, you haven’t trained yours to do so.”

 

“It was never important to us,” Broke Hat sighed, as Glug finally made his way down, standing right behind Party Hat. “Let’s just get this over with.”

 

Glug began beat boxing, Party nodding along to try and get a feel for the beat  before starting his verse.

 

“Whoo, okay, time to welcome me to the show, you know, that I’m better in innumerable ways, bro, and if you ever tried, you’d find yourself tongue tied, there’s nothing you can do to stop me! So why don’t you just give up and flee with your homies, before you end up pee-ing yourself, in fear of the ways that I’ll kick you in your shelf!”

 

“Ooooooooh!”

 

“Whoot, go Party Hat,” Demencia called from the booth, earning her another glare from Broke Hat.   
  
“That doesn’t even make any sense,” he complained. “And you!” He pointed to Demencia. “Stay out of it!”

 

“Pfft, whatever. You’re not my dad!”

 

“I very well may be, with the way I put up with your shit all the time! And I’m not even that good at coming up with rhymes, but you know I can’t even think of a single dime, you haven’t spent upon whisky or wine! With your screaming and shouting, it’s driving me crazy, one more word and everything goes hazy! I can’t believe the crap you put us through, you ungrateful little bitch boo fucking hoo!”

 

Dead silence, even from Demencia and Glug, who must’ve stopped beat boxing a long while ago. Then, someone started clapping. And another. Then, more people, until finally, the whole crowd was in an uproar, as Party Hat looked on in disbelief, before motioning towards Glug.   
  
“Cut the lights! Now,” he said through grit teeth, making a slicing motion over his neck. Before Glug could even get through the crowd and back to the stage where all of the controls sat, though, the power went out, red and blue lights flashing underneath the crevice of the door, and the blaring of sirens that sent Party Hat into a panicked frenzy. “WE’VE BEEN CAUGHT EVERY MAN FOR THEMSELVES,” he shouted at the top of his lungs, grabbing Glug and Vaccinia into his arms and making a break for the backyard, whilst everyone else screamed in fear.

 

“I don’t wanna go to jail!”

  
“I just thought this would be fun! I didn’t know about the drugs!”

 

“Wait, there were drugs and I didn’t know about them?!”

 

Everything was in chaos, and Broke Hat was about to book it as well, after grabbing Demencia of course. That was, until he saw Flug strolling casually through the room, making his way towards the duo as he… whistled? What the fuck was going on?!

 

“FLUG WE NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE YOU STUPID ASSHOLE WHY ARE YOU SO NONCHALANT ABOUT THI-”

 

“Sir! Sir, get it together,” he said, grabbing the other’s hand before he could leave with Demencia over his shoulder. “Have you noticed anything… strange?”

 

Broke raised an eyebrow at that, before realizing something important: nobody had come through the door. Nobody had tried to raid the house, or even talk to them. The only thing alerting anyone to the presence of cops was the sirens and the lights. No human beings in sight. At that moment, Broke smiled wide, wider than either of them had seen in awhile. “Flug, you may be an idiot most of the time, but that was one of your best moves yet. Although it really wasn’t necessary in the long term, I suppose…”

 

“Yeah, Broke Hat killed it,” Demencia piped in, bouncing on the balls of her feet. “You should’ve seen it! He was yelling at me, and it sort of rhymed I suppose, but dude it was amazing! He’s no Deltron but he is… I don’t know. Something?”

 

She shrugged, a smirk on her face and tongue sticking out, before she started to skip out of the manor. Broke Hat began following behind, since with this stupid inhibitor, he couldn’t see much in the darkness, and Flug following dead last, clinging to Broke. He would need a bath and everything once he got out of this Hell hole. He wondered if Demencia would let him borrow one of her Lush products that she insisted on buying twice a month, even if they barely had the money to afford it.

 

“Speaking of which,” he muttered to himself before looking at Demencia with a frown. “You’re grounded.”


End file.
